


Leave a Note for your Next of Kin

by Lilalau



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Before Ten Duel Commandments, M/M, Not explicit relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 14:33:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13413303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilalau/pseuds/Lilalau
Summary: The night before Laurens has to duel against Charles Lee, and he writes a letter like if it is his last, because it might as well be.





	Leave a Note for your Next of Kin

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by [Drarina1737.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drarina1737/pseuds/Drarina1737) She's the cutest human being I've ever met and I love her :)

Laurens knew that this night might be his last. Duels weren’t exactly safe and even if he really wanted to fight for Alexander against Charles Lee, he was starting to have a lot of doubts on the subject. He didn’t want to die, but he wasn’t going to go back now.

He didn’t sleep all night, he couldn’t. He couldn’t help but think about Alex and how everything could end in a few hours. Laurens had never been good with words, not like Alex, but he knew he needed to write that night. That morning he would give this letter to Hamilton, and he wouldn’t know that it was for him. If he died, Alex would read it and he would get everything; if he didn’t, he would have this letter back and hide it until the day he died.

With these thoughts in mind, he started writing:

“ _My Dear Hamilton,_

_You know how words aren’t as fluent to me as they are to you but, if you are reading this, it will mean that I’m long gone. I don’t want for this to happen so quickly, I still don’t know if I’ll die today. But that doesn’t matter. Whether I die today or in twenty years, this letter will only find you when I do pass away._

_I really do hope that you live a happy life without me and you can go on. Please, do not blame anyone as the cause of my death (not even Lee, I don’t care if he’s a jerk, I was the one who volunteered for this duel); and especially do not blame yourself. Whichever might be the cause of my death, do not think it is your fault. I won’t blame you, I swear, so don’t blame yourself._

_I would like you to know that I’m walking around my room, thinking of what to tell you before I go; it is harder than it looks. I feel like I have already told you everything I want you to know and at the same time I feel like I haven’t told you anything yet. So, just in case, I’m going to repeat everything you already know._

_Alexander, you are the closest friend I’ve got, and one of the few people I trust. You have given me a reason to fight—I fight for you—, and put into words what I couldn’t. You have made me feel things that I didn’t think I could. Who would have thought that I could depend so much on someone like you?_

_I have to be honest with you (I should, knowing this might be my final words): I am scared. I have never been this scared in my whole life. I really don’t want to die yet, not when there’s so much left to do, not when we haven’t won the war. I want to see another dawn. I want to embrace you once more. I want to feel my heart beating fast in the middle of a battle while I fight for freedom._

_It’s late now. The moon is at its highest and my time is running out. I know that soon enough you will enter through that door and go with me to the duel, and I won’t tell you how scared I am of dying, especially knowing you don’t fear death. I don’t know how you do it, Alexander, how can you not be terrified of that great unknown that comes after a greater pain?_

_I don’t have much time left, not to continue writing, at least —I’m still not sure how much time I have to live too—, so I’ll try to do this quickly. Let these be my last words written in paper before I duel:_

_I do love you, Alexander Hamilton._

_John Laurens_ ”

* * *

 

That letter would rest a few hours later in Alexander’s pocket, with him not knowing what was written in it. After the duel, with Laurens full of adrenaline and happiness boiling inside him, the letter returned to him.

It would be a few years later, after John Laurens was killed in the battlefield, when a mysterious envelope would arrive at his doorstep.

The only thing written on it was “To Alexander Hamilton”.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic here. Also the first time I write anything Hamilton related. Hope you liked it :)


End file.
